Scheming Dreamer

by As I

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"Scheming Dreamer" is the first full length record released by As I.

All songs (c) 2013 the fake fantastic

Words: As I
Music: As I/Vanguy (except where noted)

Produced at Eyes Only Studio, Defiance OH

Produced by Vanguy/As I
Mixed by Vanguy


released February 24, 2013



all rights reserved


As I Defiance, Ohio

27 years Old.
10 years in.

Gutter poppin', Indie Rockin'
No Dancing.
Hopeless romanticizing
of fallen stars and misplaced memories.
Broken hopes float best.
Regret regret.

I will burn so bright.
... more

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Track Name: Vintage Model
only a couple of decades away
from being considered a classic
falling behind all while setting the pace
let's not do anything drastic
exits are found on your left and right
in case you're uncomfortable
fasten your safety belt. hold on tight
it's about to get bumpy
just thought i should let you know.

you can let go.

coffee and cigarettes misspent action
unnamed consequence and nervous glaces
i've got a little left if you'll match me
we'll make this a party
cracked ribs and split lips lost in motion
this is my missive to the hopeless
break out the black lights and faux grins
we'll burn away the pain.

learn who you're not by things that you say
never much louder than whisper
find out that you've never said anything
does that mean that you didn't exist here?
for more direction you might recall
a manual missing some pages
i got impatient and irrational
it's not my problem
just thought i would let you know.

it's probably my fault.


do what you can to never change
always evolve with revision
hide all your problems behind the red tape
oh what a brillient decision.

Track Name: Drive Fast
well i wouldn't take it personally, it's nothing that you did.
it's more an emptiness inside me. can't remember what it is.
but when it hits it's like an avalanche that buries me alive.
and once again i'm left with wishing i did more than pass the time
"it's not alright" you say, near breaking "you can't just disappear
like everything you've ever been through just a measurement of years
and the people that you've cared for are mere faces in a crowd of
disenchanted memories that you will never speak aloud."
failure's kind of funny when you've done it all your days
accidental consequence what you never thought you'd say
every one's got ghosts under their beds and my dark's nothing new.
but the more i try to strangle it the more i crave abuse
and i figure there's a reason for this changing of the guard
drawing out the daggers from this fucking hole i called a heart
every incident a melody i wish i'd never sang
every road i take is just a goddamn path away

i was a child lost in history.
pretending i'm star.
living on the make believe
but wondering where you are.
come back to me on foggy nights.
tell me i'm the one.
i was a child lost in history.
looking for a sun.

slipping towards an ending when i've barely just begun
blacking out the wasted words i've hurled and sharing what i've done
wishing for some disbelief, not remembering your name.
and i'm sorry that i've hurt you. i'm sure fact is hard to blame.
so i drag this web behind me picking up your little pieces
talking to myself trying to figure out the reason
that you kill yourself in little bursts like you're beyond repair
salt inside the wounds of "baby i wish i was there."
now i'm running for my life as far as i can get from fear
and singing you these songs i know that no one's going to hear
and if they do they'll think i'm telling them a tale i've just made up
to profit on the ashes of a dream i was in love
i worry that i've ruined any chance i have at light
blinking in and out just like another motel vacant sign
neon for the notice factor flicker for the wear
if i understood the consequence i probably wouldn't care

Track Name: Weird Static
reaching for the stars
burning my hands
searching for a sun
like i'm one of the damned
time and time again
it happens too fast
you laugh loudest not knowing
that this next breath is your last
but i'ma let you listen to me
maybe drop a beat
insinuate an arguement
make all of you see
that i'm a fire.
you can't stop me.
smoke chokes if you breathe too deep.

this burning inside my chest, it runs too deep.
too deep.
this morning to my regret it dawned on me
this burning inside my chest, it runs too deep.
too deep.
this morning to my regret i left a dream.

27 years
feeling deceased
rebirth is a motherfucker
someday you will see.
the faces and the names
are always in the past
you ask not not knowing that
life is what you mask

but i'm a set the story straight
let me enunciate
demonstrate an action
make this feel more permanent

i'm liar
you can't trust me.

truth hurts if it hits too deep.

Track Name: Where I Wake Up
witness this ending my darling dear
i want you to know that it's alright
mistakes are mending we're drawing near
to another day goes by.

i'll keep pretending i've got no fear
if you promise to hold me tight
all this is something i've wished for years
try as i might
i can't seem to fly away
try as i might
i can't seem to fly away.

forget the reasons, i'm feeling disposable.
take this apart and it's hard to swallow.
when you're around i forget my name.
what were you saying?
your place or mine tonight?
well either one is fine.

tell me the story of how we met
my mind's a little misplaced.
i wouldn't ask except i forget and
you think it's a goddamned shame

i'll keep pretending i'm something more
if you promise to stay the same.
all this is worthless except for love
try as i might
i can't seem to make it stay.
try as i might
i can't seem to make it stay.


i can't stay.
but i want to.
i love your face
and you've got to
i'm an addict.
hold my hand
we'll watch the world pass by.
just try to remember.
just try to remember.

Track Name: Rollover
I awoke to find himself in a musty darkness. As he lay in the empty hollow he couldn't help notice how vague he felt. "I've never really had a name," he thought, "How can I really be alive if I'm not defined?"
This question both upset and intrigued him. He hated that he was was constantly plagued by feelings of longing and embedded insecurities.
I, assuming it was normal, did his best to ignore it.
Sometimes, though, he would attack his logic with "Why?"
Why's not a friendly conversationalist, she'd only ask him "Why not?"
She was right. She usually is about things like this and he trusted her.
She made him believe in remarkable things he didn't see and it made him love her.
I awoke in a heavy haze and he couldn't remember her name.
Track Name: Three 32
burn out my eyes and look inside them
tell me what you see.

is there something still alive, then?
could you tell me am i still breathing?

i don't know what to say
so i'll tell you that you want me.

hold onto solid ground but reach for clouds
love isn't the enemy

all i want is to make you shake awake.
i'll be your pleasant dreaming.
all i want is to make your memory
burn my image behind your retina.

all i want is to make you shake awake.
i'll be your pleasant dreaming.
all i want to make your memory
burn my image behind your retina.

i can't understand a word i'm saying
it's like a wave has washed over.

tangled inside dancing eyes like
scenes of sweet unconciousness

i'm not sure what to say
so i'll tell you that i'm alright.

head first escape from sound when i'm not around
who'll remember what i look like?

Track Name: Helpless
you've got your awkward silence. you've got your "we once were. "
you've got my head collapsing. feeding my id to worms.
i've got chain cigarettes. black coffee by the pot.
i've got my poetry describing everything we're not.
not like it really matters.
not like "everything changed."
not like that butterfly turns into a moth inflamed.


so come on, come on: let's make a memory
just this one time, please pretty princess
i'm dying to see a smile.
stop it, you know i can't help it
never you mind, i'm not making sense at all.
it's all your fault.

you've got your addict moments. you've got your "i just need."
you've got me wrapped around you. telling you everything.
i've designer drugs, but that shit makes me sick.
i've got demiser's blood, echoing a 'tic tic tic'.
not like anyone noticed.
not like it's all okay.
not like that little bug turned into a man, ablaze.

Track Name: Amateur
you fuck with her, you fuck with me.
try to test that.
you'll taste the blood between your teeth.
a fact is a fact.
you think you're something clever, but i see right thru you.
you like to think you're a star.
i may be an empty space, but hollow's heavy.
you're a goddamn amateur.

cannot believe that you'd be so stupid.
can't believe you'd be such a fool.
cannot believe that you'd be so reckless.
what am i supposed to do
with naieve little you.

are you sure that you want to do this?

are you sure?

if i were you, i'd try to hide.
crowds'll help you,
the masses always lend a hand to the weak.
truth is truth.
it's now or never? i've got forever time.
you like to think you're a god.
i may be nothing but a solid has been
but you ain't even a was.

Track Name: Dig My Grave
you motherfuckers better recognise
i'm less of a smoke screen more like a hand grenade
everything i say is fiction
save where the truth bleeds thru
you'll never know. you'll never notice.
the more you hope the more you're hopeless
such a sucker for a simple twist of tongue.
you'd better run, better run away.
you'd better run away.

it's way too easy to fix mistakes
how long you got till you break
you know i can't wait to say
"i told you so."
honey, you've got a lot of nerve.
this empty's what you deserve
i'm more than a little cursed
so dig my grave.

i've gotten bitter as well as old.
i less hate the silence than blame the summer sky
never understood the reason
my clock runs on borrowed time
but i don't mind. i don't care.
people suck, things die, no it isn't fair.
still a sucker for a pretty face.
hey hey hey hey hey


scheming dreamer, what's your story. can you tell me?
i'm counting or forgetting.
Track Name: Demiser's Moon
somewhere on the other side of hoping
i lost the watch you gave to me
time's been stolen by a million little lies
but i still believe

fact of the matter is i'm sinking
i never cared to learn to swim
now i'm regretting all the moments that i said
do you remember when?

our smiles were as real as they could get
forget fragile dreams
we're living proof
you can kill yourself to live
if you have the right tools

we're built to self destruct
it's just like they said
now here's the proof
we're as real as we can get
under demiser's moon
under demiser's moon

somewhere on the other side of lonely
i found the peace of of mind to breathe
the air's infected with the sickness of our sighs
i still see you in dreams

truth be told i think i'm ready
i was never good at follow through
now i'm remembering all the moments that i said
better me than you.


take your make believe, wrap it up in pretty paper.
later on, they'll find it if you fail.
i prefer the burnout to the fade. tomorrow or today.
either is fine.